Holidazed and Confused
by Lane Beatty, LMFT
Recently, another counselor and I talked about how the holidays create job security for our profession, because January is the busiest time of year for therapists. While I would like to think it’s the result of new year resolutions of proactive mental and relational health, that is most often not the case. Although many different factors contribute to the January boom, I can’t help but wonder, why are more people hurting and seeking help after the season of love, family, joy, peace and hope?
Some may shrug it off as the dealing with the awkward family member, the annoying comments and storytelling, or a party we weren’t invited to, but what is really at the heart of this trend? Could it be the result of the high standards we put on ourselves? The pressure to perfectly decorate, to attend all of the holiday parties, to find the perfect gifts, to make it “magical” for our children, to spend money we do not have, to live up to all of the families’ traditions, to visit or call distant relatives….the list goes on and on.
A few Christmases ago, I found myself in tears listening to Amy Grant sing “I need a silent night,” because it revealed my own exhaustion from endless striving to make the season grand. The worst part was realizing that I had been missing CHRISTMAS! I was so consumed with buying, decorating, planning, and wrapping, that I missed actually being present.
Advent, the time leading up to Christmas, is about waiting in great expectation, about being still and knowing that LOVE is coming. Instead of the busyness of this season, what if we lowered our expectations of a perfect holiday, and focused on being more still and truly present with the ones we love.
The best gift that you can give another person is a genuine interest in their life.
And for ourselves, instead of just making everything on the outside look “merry and bright,” what if we faced the things on the inside of our hearts and homes that feel anything but that. Self care addresses the grief, sadness, hurt, disappointment, the strained relationship, and sets healthy boundaries where needed.
I challenge myself and you, friends, to be still, be present, and give the Love of Christmas to your people and yourself.
Lane Beatty is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at Rooted Counseling Center. Lane is currently accepting new clients.