It's you, It's you I like
by Anna Moise, NCC, LPC-MHSP (temp.)
Growing up, I remember waking up from my afternoon nap and immediately walking downstairs to watch Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood. With his warm nature and empathetic voice, Mr. Rogers connected with children in a way that most adults considered unimaginable at the time. Through his make-believe neighborhood, he empowered children to listen to their emotions while covering topics like how to be brave, how to be a good friend, what to do when a loved one dies, and making mistakes. Although it has been a handful of years since I sat down to watch an episode, my memory of the classic, heartwarming show came back to life this summer after I saw the documentary Won’t You Be My Neighbor (if you haven’t seen it…you should!).
Outside of Rooted Counseling, I work full time as a school-based therapist at two different middle schools. Developmentally, middle schoolers are changing in every way possible. Their brains are growing and they are working to figure out who they are. The great thing about my job is that the students I meet with let me into their minds little by little every day.
What I’ve learned is that identity is one of the most, if not the most, important thing to these pre-teens.
They’re constantly asking themselves questions like, “Who are my friends?” “Do I have good friends?” “Do I like my friends?” “Is this outfit I’m wearing ugly today?” “Who is looking at me?” “Who isn’t looking at me?” “Do people like me?” “Do I like me?” “Am I good enough?” As you can imagine, although this is developmentally appropriate, it’s exhausting for them. What’s even more exhausting is that on top of all of the questions swirling around in their heads, they each play the role of their own self-critic. And even though negative self-talk is to be expected, it makes me sad to hear 12 and 13 year olds bring themselves down.
…Cue Mr. Rogers…
I thought back to that sweet documentary I saw over the summer and wondered how I could use Mr. Rogers as inspiration for how to best support my students in the midst of all their questioning and doubt. I found that the answer is simple and that Mr. Rogers said it best:
Take interest in the things they do that make them special, and remind them that they don’t have to be extraordinary to be loved.
So whoever you are in a child’s life, (a mom, dad, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher, friend), this week I would challenge you to praise the child you love for the things that make them, them. Maybe they’re a great guitar player, maybe they’ve been practicing their jump shot for weeks and even though it’s not perfect, they’re finally getting the hang of it, or maybe they make you laugh a whole bunch at the dinner table. Whatever it is, chances are they’re wondering if they’re good enough and they need you to remind them that they are every day- they need your voice now more than ever. Remind them of all of the great things that make them awesome, and tell them they are loved. If you have a middle schooler, they’ll probably shrug and walk off into their room to watch YouTube, but I promise they hear it. Your words carry them through their lives- I hear them in my office every day.
“It's you I like,
It's not the things you wear,
It's not the way you do your hair--
But it's you I like.
The way you are right now,
The way down deep inside you--
Not the things that hide you,
Not your toys--
They're just beside you.
But it's you I like--
Every part of you,
Your skin, your eyes, your feelings
Whether old or new.
I hope that you'll remember
Even when you're feeling blue
That it's you I like,
It's you yourself,
It's you, it's you I like.”