Self-Care = Not So Selfish

by Emily Rate, M. Ed., NCC

Debunking Common Fallacies to Facilitate a Deeper Understanding 

With a loaded term such as self-care it can be difficult to decipher the true meaning and purpose behind the concept. There are a lot of misconceptions that jumping in a bubble bath with a facemask and a lit candle will wipe your cares away. Clinically diagnosed anxiety and depression are on the rise, so it is important to identify some common myths around what self-care consists of. It is equally important to break down how and why self-care can truly be healing when understood in its totality.

So why is self-care so tough? There are so. many. reasons.

A lot of us are rooted in caretaking for others already. If professionally and personally we are in roles of helping others (where are our enneagram 2’s?!), it can become increasingly difficult to turn inward and know what we need. Further, if we do not know ourselves well enough, we can be medicating or numbing instead of refueling. Self-care is fulfilling a need within oneself, often something we wouldn’t typically do (hence having an unmet need!). There is a deficit which deserves thoughtful attention. Before self-care is slapped on like a band-aid, we need to take a moment of self-reflection and understand where our gaps may lie. 

Self-care is meant to be a personal recharge, a considerate and intentional time to mindfully reset. It often gets masked as a medicator or numbing, but true self-care meets our needs and replenishes us. It is not based on how others perceive it, it is not meant to be posted or advertised, it is meant for you. It is not meant to distract, deny, or divert you from reality, it is meant as a supplement you believe to help yourself step into what you deserve. The hope is that we understand what we need from taking care of ourselves and then empower ourselves to do it. The hope is that it becomes ingrained in us to be attuned and aware to what we need, and feel capable of taking steps in that direction. And while it may not look like what you thought, it may in turn be exactly what you need. In the words of Vironika Tugaleva, “Learning to love yourself is like learning to walk- essential, life-changing, and the only way to stand tall.”