Thoughts on Worthiness
BY : ASHLEY COLCLASURE, LPC-MHSP
I heard a quote this week that really got me thinking…
“Your worthiness is imaginary.”
I’m sorry…come again? I am pretty sure that I, as well as most of my clients, struggle with worthiness a lot. So how is it all in my head?! This raises the question...what is it based on? Who and what impacts worthiness?? Is ALL worthiness imaginary, or is some “worth” believing in?
There is this book called “How Full is Your Bucket?” by Tom Rath that my children love. It’s a wonderful resource for children to understand the impact they can have on people around them. Go out of your way to be kind? Bucket Filler. Help a friend who is sad? Bucket Filler. The school my children attend even uses this concept and awards students with “Bucket Filler” awards at the end of each week if they have done a good job being a friend to their peers.
It’s a wonderful concept, and one that carries weight- we impact each other greatly. The problem is that many take this same concept to the next level as adults. Many of us go through the day filling and emptying our “worthiness bucket” based on what is happening around us. Instead of seeing ourselves and others as worthy because we are human and made by God, we attribute external factors to our worthiness, oftentimes at an alarming rate.
Is it the number on the scale? Is it a smile on someone’s face? Is it the way my kids react to me? Is it the number of “likes” that I get on my most recent Instagram post? Is it how quickly my boss responds to my email? Is it the amount of money in my bank account? What are we allowing to fill us up each day? Where is our confidence coming from? What about Paige’s statement that our worthiness is imaginary? THIS is what she meant. The things we often base our worthiness on is all in our head, and really carries no weight at all - or rather, only carries weight because we allow it to.
Here’s the thing: We are WORTHY [of love/of relationship/of good things/of fill-in-the-blank] because we are here. We are INHERENTLY WORTHY. We are on this earth – living and breathing beings, and because of that fact alone, we are worthy.
Let that sink in.
We are also human – and even if we accept the concept of inherent worthiness, external factors will impact us. Here lies the challenge – to pair acceptance and love of self with grace as we move through this messy life.
Here’s the thing: this is a daily challenge. This is a daily battle. There are going to be things thrown at you, offering a quick fix to fill your bucket. The struggle is that we are called to live in this tension- to notice, and even appreciate, certain things, but not let them define who we are. Each day looks like a battle between what is “real” and what is true, and what is just NOT.
Some things that help in this challenge? Having others who remind you who you are, Whose you are, and remind you about your inherent value and worth. These are the same people who will be quick to point out the untruths in your life - both in how you see yourself, and others. It’s messy, and this requires authentic relationship.
Offer grace to yourself and remind yourself who you are and why you are worthy. The more you focus on the truth of who you are, the more easily you can identify false bucket fillers and differentiate things that matter and things that simply don’t.