Is Marriage Really This Hard for Everyone, or Is It Just Me?

BY : LANE BEATTY, LMFT

Have you ever asked yourself this question?  

I know that I have, and I am a marriage therapist!  I have taken ALL of the courses, coached hundreds of couples in effective communication, led marriage talks, encouraged, fought for my client’s marriages alongside them, and yet still….

I mean, my own marriage should be a model marriage…easy, always loving, rarely conflictual, right???   

Hardly.  As much as I would love to say, yes, I have the perfect marriage, I do not. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband and I am just as committed to him today, if not more, than I was on our wedding day over a decade ago.  But is it easy? No.

When I share this truth with others in my life, whether it be to clients or friends, the overwhelming response is relief. Relief that it’s not just me, it’s not just us, it’s not that I just married the wrong person, it’s not just that I am going to be miserable in this marriage for the rest of my life.  

If you are in a hard phase of your marriage, or if the whole thing has been hard, you, my friend, are not alone.  

I tell you this as an encouragement.  Encouragement that there is hope for you, your spouse, and your marriage.  It takes work. It takes sacrifice and a lot of choosing to act out of love, even when you don’t feel love or loved in return.  

Although hard, it is so worth it.  Worth it for your children, your future grandchildren, and for yourself.  The strongest marriages that I know are those that have been through really, really hard things and come out on the other side.

And I believe that God will strengthen you in the process, as you honor His gift of marriage and your spouse.  You are not alone in this fight, in this work.

Lane has been a private practice therapist for 8 years working with marriages and couples. If you or someone you know needs a safe place to talk, you can contact Lane at Lane@RootedCounselingCenter.com.